I used to have late-stage chronic FOMO. Saying yes to everything. Every invite, every plan. I was convinced that somewhere in the rooms I skipped something important was happening without me.
These days, I will look at my schedule and work backwards.
“Do I have anything else of higher priority?” “Will this require energy that I don’t have?” “Do the people I will be around build me up or tear me down?”
After a series of questions, I decide if something is worth my time or worth being stretched a little thin (sacrifice is the price we pay for a village), then I participate. If not, I let it be okay and move on. This was a conscious effort for years until it eventually became second nature.
I was also certain I’d be married with at least two kids by now. Certain. I thank God every day it didn’t happen on that timeline. I still want it. I just wouldn’t have been equipped to handle both of those life events back then. The equipping happened while I was on my own, learning who I was and what made me happy. That part never makes the plan, but it’s the part that made the plan survivable.
When I try to list what changed, I keep hitting the same wall. The core of me didn’t. I’m still a party girl at heart. I love being social, and I love dancing to loud music. What changed is the allocation. I go out occasionally now, with the right people, for the right reasons. It used to be a hobby.
The rest of the portfolio shifted the same way. I’d rather cook at home than go out to eat UNLESS the restaurant serves something I could never make in my own kitchen. My excess money goes to travel. If I’m paying for dinner out, I want it to be in a city I’ve never explored cooked by someone who has lived there their whole life.
My sister recently pointed out how differently I set boundaries. I used to let anyone in. I still see the good in everyone, but a seat at my table is a different question now. Once I started answering it honestly, better people showed up. My small circle is made of people who are comfortable in their own skin and still reaching for something. Nobody in it is coasting.
Moving to Florida changed the most. I left the only environment I’d ever known for a place that was foreign to me. In theory I could have become anyone else. Distance hands you that option. Instead I became more of myself. I do the things I love without needing anyone to approve. I wear what feels good on me, whether or not it fits in a box. Most of all, I take better care of my mental, spiritual, and physical health.
Not every shift has landed cleanly. I’ve daydreamed about married-with-kids for as long as I can remember, and now that I’m engaged and it’s actually happening, I’m undecided on how it will shake out. Old me would have scripted it and felt anxious about it. Current me is in a good enough headspace to let go and let God with zero worries that whatever comes next is meant for me.
Moral of the story: Your core has probably stayed the same. Look at what you spend your time, money, and “yes” on because that’s where you changed. <3
♡ Syd