On Sunday I was in bed after a great day with friends, scrolling through house renovations and homesteaders. One of them was making a hearty butternut squash ravioli with vegetables and herbs from their own garden. DREAM LIFE. I love where I’m at, yet I still felt like I was behind and far from this dream. When I made myself look at where I actually stand, nothing felt like it was too off course either. I just couldn’t see myself being in my homesteading era any time soon.
I’m saving for the rest of my life: work optional by 40, a house in 2-4 years, money set aside for children, time freedom for the life I want to live. In the meantime, I’m enjoying life as it is now, with travel, quality time with friends and family, and writing consistently. My body is in maintenance mode with goals and habits that set me up for longevity, for children (God willing), and for feeling good in my own skin. I really like my career and I’m advancing in it. There’s a creative dream in there somehow that’s slowly coming to fruition (more to come on that 🫣😛). That’s a lot of moving parts and sometimes feels like there’s nothing tangible to show.
I’m in the middle of everything.
That might be why before and afters get under my skin. People post the end goal with the very beginning, where they started, and skip the work of getting there. I get it. The middle isn’t glamorous and it doesn’t drive views. Still, I’ve seen the same post so many times I could storyboard it: the health journey, the paid-off student debt, the $100k saved, the business started, the “look at me I’m living the dream life” or worse the “don’t forget to live your life” reminder yet it’s still them showing a clearly curated lifestyle for the camera.
Whatever your age, career, or circumstance, there’s always something to improve. Everyone ends up in a middle sooner or later.
What do people trying to reach a goal actually have in common? Struggle. Anyone chasing a big dream or trying to make real change runs into it somewhere between the start and the finish. Watching someone work through that can be more motivating than the black and white of a before and after or the “look at me now.” Show me what you changed when you hit a road bump. Show me what you did after you quit four times.
We reward the results more than we enjoy the process of getting there. We miss a lot that way. In the middle you find out how you react when something goes wrong, how you actually learn and stay motivated, and what you value and enjoy. A before and after has no room for any of that. Neither does the cookie-cutter “do it my way and you’ll see success” pitch, and I don’t buy it for a second.
I’ve always been more drawn to people whose success shows itself than to people who have to tell you about it. I’m wary when people continuously lead with talk instead of action. When they keep telling me about what they can, who they are at their core, or all these things they have going on instead of leading with the proof, I start to wonder what’s actually there.
Volleyball was my first real “middle”. It was the first thing I put in serious time and reps to better myself. First, the goal was making the team, then varsity, then the 1s team in club, then getting recruited for college, then starting. To make the 1s team I had to learn a new position. I was a setter who hit sometimes. I kept taking hitting reps at practice until I was asked to try out as a pin hitter. When my coach asked if I could hit both outside and right side, I said “yes…..” knowing I’d have to work harder to figure it out. I trained to jump higher, hit harder, and move faster. That year turned out to be a blessing in more ways than one. I picked up a different position, and I learned I needed to be a better teammate from the bench.
In sports, we’re taught the end goal is the team win first, then individual success. We’re also taught to be more obsessed with the process and the training than with winning because you’ll never beat someone who is obsessed with the process.
You will never beat your current self if you don’t give your future self a chance by being obsessed with the process of getting to where you want to go.
Right now my middle is small and mostly invisible. I got a small bonus and moved it straight to savings instead of spending it. Nobody posts the deposit. They post the house. I knew this past Saturday was going to be a fun day with friends, so I stayed disciplined on my meal plan all week. We don’t see the internal battle to not order takeout and make a meal at home. This coming weekend I’m going home, and travel historically costs me a couple of days of workouts and meals and does a number on my budget too. I planned ahead for it: workouts lined up for the weekend, a Whole30 casserole with my sisters, a few hours to reset before I travel again so next week doesn’t start in a hole.
Piss-poor planning leads to piss-poor performance.
The middle is still the playmaker, the differentiator: one small thing that brings me closer to the goal when it’s easier not to. On the days I don’t get to everything I wanted, I’m giving myself the grace that one action towards it is okay.
I still don’t know why Sunday made me feel behind. Looking at my week, I wasn’t.
What does your silent middle look like right now?
<3 Syd